Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
