I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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