so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
