she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
