why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
