This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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