At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
