do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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