hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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