i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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