i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
