That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
