I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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