Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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