so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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