Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
