Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
