its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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