i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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