i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
