Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
