Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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