i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
