at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
