I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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