Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
