Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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