But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
