i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize