So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
