Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My vagina just clenched in fear
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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