just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
