"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
