She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
