dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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