I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
