I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
