You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
