Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I love you.
Bad choice
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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