I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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