Pants 0. Shit 1.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
