when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
