You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
