saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
