if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize