Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
