she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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