So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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