If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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