i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize