I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
