The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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