$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize