I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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