he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you had me at cake vodka
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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