My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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