Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
