so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
