im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I love having hate sex.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
