let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
