I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
