How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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