Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
being pregnant is like rehab
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
well, you know. whores of a feather.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
