i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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